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The Morning Scan
Random Notes From Far Arcturus


Let's face it, the days are dwindling down to a precious few for the Art Crimes Tour '96. There's the big Scotland gig, there's maybe a couple others, I can't remember right now, then the Japan dates, then that's it. All over, man, including the shouting. So - the question arises: what about tour jackets? What are we gonna do to say "thanks" to all the musicians and technicians who made the tour happen this year? What's it gonna be?

Normally I would be content to let you and your office handle this matter, except for the fact that we all remember what happened in '94. The jackets were a bit of a disappointment to all concerned, in the following respects: a) they weren't finished and delivered til 18 months after the end of the tour, thus sabotaging the all-important temporal link between behavior and reward, b) the jackets, when they finally arrived, were extremely cheap-looking and ugly, thus negating their ability to offset the paltry tour bonuses and skimpy live recording fees from that year's tour, and c) the largest size available was about right for an organ grinder's monkey, thus guaranteeing that the jackets could never be worn by any adult human being. The only good thing about those rags that comes to mind now was that they were highly flammable and easy to dispose of, if you happened to be in the mood for bar-b-que.

Look, I have explored several other possibilities for end-of-tour gifts, but at this point none of them seem to be panning out. The push-button knives I showed you - they were cool, I had thirty of them, but now I can't find them. Kawai may know where they are, he may in fact have the whole stash with him, but I can't find him either - he isn't with you, by any chance? Has Suzana heard from him? wired him any money, anything like that? Never mind. The chiba I was saving for the band members is also no longer available, albeit for a different reason. Ditto for the Dylar suppositories. And the vacations in Thailand turned out to be too expensive, you were right about that. So it looks like we're stuck with the corny old jackets again.

So if it's jackets, let's for crissakes do it right this time, yes? I have taken the liberty of having my tailor in Patpong Road mock up a jacket which I believe is conceptually correct for our lads and which will be appropriate for the theme of our little aesthetic enterprise (right). The tailored look and crisp urbane styling make this jacket right for damn near any occasion, weddings and funerals included. Note if you will the insolent line of the shoulder. The velvet lapels and pocket details make it warm in the winter, while the quadruple-vented back (not shown) make it cool in the winter too, if you know what I mean. I realize there is no logo on the jacket as seen here - that would best be placed, I think, on the matching leather pants. There could be some killer badges on the lapels too - you might want to get Carol involved in designing some little doohickies to clip on there.

Let me know what you think ASAP - Duangduen and the boys are champing at the bit. They tell me they can have the jackets ready by 5 PM of any weekday, providing we give them the go-ahead by 10 AM. As you know, you are my absolute hero in matters of sartorial derring-do, so your opinion counts for a lot. Soon as I get your nod, I'll call up Thailand and get the ball rolling and we'll all be swaddled in black velvet by the time we get to sunny Dublin.



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