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I, Roger Nichols, being of sound mind and body, do hereby agree to the following terms and conditions of my employment as engineer-in-chief of the new Steely Dan album:
1. I shall neither compose, nor shall I publish, any contemporaneous accounts pertaining to the events taking place during the making of said Steely Dan record, during the lifetimes of the principal artists Donald Fagen and Walter Becker, or until such time as all three of us are dead and gone.
2. For the duration of the recording project I shall refrain from using the following terms of art in any of my regularly published columns in "EQ" or anywhere else:
d) "punch at the section"
f) "furlongs per fortnight"
g) "why a duck?"
h) "adrenal cotex"
i) "I wont take it home, I'll just eat it here"
j) "none of my tricks?"
3. In deference to the fragile mental health of myself and my employers, I will refrain from referencing, in whole or in part, the following anecdotes: "2nd Arrangement," "your everlasting summer," "punch at the section," "track 25," "Malibu Sheriff, "mother/daughter undercover agents," "the girl with four nipples" and "what do mullet look like?"
4. I will refrain from leaving pamphlets and spec sheets for expensive audio and computer gear on the producers' desks or anyplace else where it will likely be seen by Walter and/or Donald.
5. I shall tithe a small portion of my salary from the project to my family for food and household expenses, rather than spending all of it on expensive audio and computer equipment, as is customary.
6. I will not charge more than $2,000/month in 900 number toll calls to the telephone at the studio or in my hotel room.
7. I will not order food from any restaurant whose name ends in the word "junior" or whose name contains the word "fat." Examples: "Fatburger", "Bob's Big Boy Jr.", "Carl's Jr."
8. I will curtail my efforts towards spontaneous human combustion for the duration of the project.
9. Puns - I will do the best I can. I promise.
the works |