THE LAURA LETTER (1999)

Dear Ms. Ingraham:

It has come to our attention that you used the Steely Dan recording of our song Dirty Work as cutaway music at the end of your show last Monday. We understand that “Watch It!” is a political talk show. We have been sternly advised by a valued visitor to our official website that we should steer clear of politics so as not to embarrass ourselves and our fans. 

While we recognize that you are clearly not bound by any such injunction, we nevertheless owe it to our admirers to stay out of trouble when we can. So we must regrettably insist that our recordings not be used on future broadcasts of your show.

It seems likely that, as the impeachment saga draws to a close, your show will be cancelled or else will morph into one sort of non-political daytime talk show or another (although certainly not a fashion show). If, for some unfathomable reason, “Watch It!” continues in its present form, may we suggest some other more suitable music for use during breaks:  

Das Horst Wessel-Lied - Traditional Teutonic anthem 
Ride of the Valkyries - A Wagner favorite
Theo, Wir Fahr’n Nach Lodz - 1970’s German chartmaker 
The Lady is a Cryptofascist - The original version by The Welders of Zion

Or anything by Lou Reed, Helmet, or The Velvet Underground

After learning that you were using our music without permission, we briefly looked in on your show. Being the political naifs that we are, we could hardly be expected to follow the learned colloquy between you and your guests. Are they all Ivy Leaguers? 

Anyway, we did notice that you looked kind of sad and maybe a little blotchy too. You’re not allergic to plaid, are you? We're very sorry to be cracking down like this at what is clearly a difficult and trying time for you and your pals. Please don’t take it personally. It’s just business. Okay? 

Yours, 
Donald Fagen and Walter Becker
Founders, Steely Dan